i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
