I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
