This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
