fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
