They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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