Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
