I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
