I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
