you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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