yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
