We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
