my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
