I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
