$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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