I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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