He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
