just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
