I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just pee around me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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