yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
