I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize