2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
