glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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