they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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