She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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