Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
