Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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