I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
