I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
