I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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