I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize