so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
