1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
