I love having hate sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize