We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my liver is dry heaving
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
