We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
