if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
