im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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