I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
send nudes
from the living room?
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