Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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