Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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