And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
