my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
