glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
