Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
