Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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