In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
