Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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