Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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