Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
