Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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