so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
