I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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