Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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