It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
