he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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