He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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