Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
