ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
