I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
