I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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