shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
