i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
